My Life

September 9^th, 2015

Dear Diary,

       Today was the worst day ever. First off this girl in my class that think she’s all that just because she’s older and popular and has a rich family. Anyways getting back to my day like I said, today was the worst day, my birthday is in a couple of weeks and I have been begging my mom If I can have a sweet 16 since I never had any type of party for my birthday. Let me stop getting distracted on what I was saying. Tina and I were best friends until one day she stopped talking to me for no reason, but she had the audacity to smile in my face today and proceeds to tell people that my mom can’t afford to throw me a sweet 16 because we don’t have any money. Now the whole school is calling me “The Poor Girl”. Man I hate high school. You would think my mom would care about what goes on in my life nope she’s more focus on having different men’s coming in and out of the house paying no mind to the child she gave birth to. Its already hard enough that I must deal with school and stupid bullies at school. It’s crazy how after everything I’ve been going through my mom is lucky I’m not like those other kids getting pregnant, smoking weed and partying I’m a good kid I believe honestly. It’s like she doesn’t see or notice me. Like I’m not her main focus. I feel so invisible whenever I’m at home which sucks. Ugh I got to go. This person I call my “mom” is calling me. She’s probably calling to go downstairs to open the door for one of her mans. I’m starting to hate my life.

September 10^th, 2015

Dear Diary,

         You wouldn’t believe what this mother of mine said to me today. She knows my birthday is in a week and I have been begging her to throw me a sweet 16 birthday party but had the nerves to say, “You don’t need to have one”. That we’re not celebrating my birthday because she’ll be out of town with her man. I would have thought this year would have been different since my dad passed. We never once not celebrate my birthday but she changed a lot since we lost him. It’s like she’s forgetting that I’m her child and that I still existed. I get it since losing dad money has been tight but then deciding to leave town on my birthdays is an understatement. At this moment I’m missing my dad and really wish that things can go back to the way it was before all of this.

September 11^th, 2015

Dear Diary,

         When I tell you I had the most interesting conversation today with my bestie Hanna I wish we went to the same school to have this talk. Well Hanna and I was talking and she had the idea that since my mom would be out of town that I should throw my own party at the house. Lord when I tell you I had to make sure Hanna wasn’t high on drugs to hear what she was saying. A party at my house with who? I don’t have many friends at that ghetto ass high school. But to think of it that mother of mine don’t pay me no mind so I can say a party at my house would be very interesting. Never really had a party at my house so I don’t even know how to host a high school party I know high school parties have booze like all types of alcohol, basic snacks, games and most of all music. This would be a lot to put a party together in one day. Well, I got to go have to go shopping at least I have my bestie. Let me get some boring homework done so we can plan this party and get this party over with too.

September 13^th, 2015

Dear Diary,

         The party was supposed to be the best day of my life. It was a success but something terrible happened at the party. This is something I couldn’t imagine happening to me let alone to someone who stayed to their self. I can’t even get the courage to tell anybody what happened to me, let alone the mother who could care less about me, but I have no one.  I wish I can wipe the memory out my head as easy as I can delete an Instagram post. I can’t believe this evil, disgusting person felt that he could take something so precious from me. I have been crying since it happened wondering when my mother would be back, but today I will be spending the night at Hanna’s house, I guess I would have to tell her what happened at the party because she is the only one I can really trust. I hope she can help me figure out things and explore my options. I just turned 16 yesterday and my life changed so much. I just don’t know yet how much this situation would change it.

September 14^th, 2015

Dear Diary,

         I’m back this needed to have its own section and for me to express how I feel about all of this. Well like I said this party was supposed to be the best day of my life but it ends up being the worst day of my life. So basically what happened was Hanna and I was in the kitchen talking and drinking when these two guys approached us. Mind you we were just standing our business Hanna deadass decide to leave me alone having one of the guy trying flirt with me like nigga no. he wanted to talk so we went somewhere quiet, but when I tell you this man definition of talking is totally different than someone really wanted to talk. Things started to get very uncomfortable he is touching my thighs and arms I’m pushing him away saying no but he is acting like he can’t hear me man I was so heated I pushed him off me but he came back harder I was in no control he forced himself on me I tried to scream but nothing was coming out. After he was done he had to nerves to say he enjoyed his time I never felt so humiliated in my life. Just wanted this day to be over. For the rest of the night I spend it hiding in my room simply crying. “AT THIS MOMENT I STARED TO LOSE MYSELF”.

September 13^th, 2025

Dear Diary,

      I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since my life transformed. I still write in this diary I can say this diary have been a comfort to me from day one, something I can vent into which I still do. I still be getting distracted but anyway life been taking a toll on me. I am now a 26-year-old college student with a 10-year-old, so if you do the math, I got pregnant at 16 in high school. Yeah crazy but it’s true. Now that I have a 10-year-old I have been trying my best to not be a mother like my own mother. I made sure that I’m there for her and give her the best life as possible. To this day my mother is still the same person she was 10 years ago. I cut off all ties with my mom even with the fact she’s not even present in her granddaughter life. That behavior is typical of her but don’t worry I will not be that mother and I wouldn’t want my little McKenzie to see how bad of mom her grandmother was. My life ended up changing, even though my mom stayed the same, but I can say that this change was hard but my life turned out to be good.